he shuts his eyes, letting them close as he thinks upon what he wishes to say next. everything that he was trying to avoid admitting to seems to be laid between them, and now he's been caught yet again.
suishinshi is bright-eyed and naive, though his heart is in the right place. he wants to help.
but it is hard to forget his own tsurumaru, so dedicated to the mission that he will let it batter his own soul.
[ isn't it a lot of things? history means something different depending on who you ask. it can be the truth, it can be beliefs, it can be a myth that someone penned. it can be thousands of different people who all interacted in just a certain way that lead to something spectacular happening... or something mundane. ]
I feel like I learn something new about it, every time I relive it. No matter how many times you meet the same person... you can still see something new about them.
[ ... ]
I don't have an answer for you. I am still trying to figure that out.
mikazuki had said suishinshi on the equivalent of a test through time in order to earn his trust, to believe that he might be able to rely on any others in even the smallest capacity.
it is different for tsurumaru, who mikazuki loves most of all, but who might still come the closest to understanding his mindset once he arrives on a decision. would mikazuki wish this life he leads upon anyone?
no.
but the conflict lies in the fact that tsurumaru still does not seem to be willing to let him go.
. . . so instead he will take tsurumaru's other hand and guide it to his own face, only so mikazuki can let his cheek rest against it. the touch of his beloved. he wishes that it centered him more than it does, instead of just reminding him of what more he could still lose.]
... when you find your answer, perhaps it will be easier to talk upon it then.
But I feel similarly. History is like a large river.... and I believe it has the power to return to its course. Yet those who play a tragic role within it... face certain constraints. And I similarly feel that we, Touken Danshi, face our own constraints....
[and there is a limit to how much suffering mikazuki can accept as necessary]
[ how long has he been dealing with this without anyone else knowing.
at the very least, it seems like people in mikazuki's citadel are somewhat aware that he is up to something, even if they do not fully understand his motives behind it or what he is doing. his own were caught off guard, for the most part, until it was too late.
tsuru wonders if things could have changed for his other mikazuki if they knew even a little more.
he refocuses his attention on this one, the mikazuki munechika he loves more than just a dear friend. ]
... I guess we will see. [ ... ] But if there is one thing that I know, it's that whatever you are up to... you did not betray anyone.
[it makes him pause - if only because he did not expect the reassurance. he is used to sympathy, by now, if only because of the way that others treat him. but he still expects anger, indignation. the same that kogitsunemaru showed him when he bared his fangs, and then the despaired shouts of another crane to the sea.
but this tsurumaru is right.]
... intention and perception are two different things.
[even if he might never intend to break someone's trust, it is a fact that he will. even if he might never intend to harm his fellow swords and his citadel, some choices he makes can look like exactly that.]
... I imagine your Mikazuki Munechika knew that as well.
[and he broke for it.
and so much of tsurumaru's actions are better explained, with that knowledge]
[ yes... he definitely broke... that is what happened and tsuru will keep that illusion forever... ]
There are a few of us who are working to get him out.
[ it's admittedly quietly. they flat out stated he was stuck in a time loop in the memory, but tsuru still manages to avoid saying it now. and he can't really say they all are, because mikazuki has eyes and he definitely saw hasebe's reaction. ]
... what a troublesome individual this Mikazuki Munechika is.
[he'd joked about this before - back when they spoke of their friends. but it feels all the more real now, with his own plans and intentions even slightly revealed to tsurumaru. and knowing that another version of himself was lost entirely.
. . . ]
He probably isn't expecting it, you know. He probably made every decision knowingly - even aware you would all be hurt for it.
Even if that wasn't his intention... it is understandable if it is hard to forgive.
[ mikazuki don't give hasebe an excuse he's just a bitch..... tsuru doesn't think this, but i do.
it's such a funny thought to tsuru though, because even if he never met this mikazuki, he knows he would still do whatever possible to save the other one. for tsurumaru, it is not a question of forgiveness or not. ]
He is a bit of a pain. I do not appreciate being left alone for too long.
[there is a certain irony to it - that mikazuki is applying such specific ways of thinking to the situation. forgiveness. retribution. what is deserved.
even though he himself would never look upon his comrades in such terms.
why would tsurumaru?]
... he never would have wanted to leave. His comrades. His master. His home.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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he shuts his eyes, letting them close as he thinks upon what he wishes to say next. everything that he was trying to avoid admitting to seems to be laid between them, and now he's been caught yet again.
suishinshi is bright-eyed and naive, though his heart is in the right place. he wants to help.
but it is hard to forget his own tsurumaru, so dedicated to the mission that he will let it batter his own soul.
what will this one be?]
.... what do you suppose history is?
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[ isn't it a lot of things? history means something different depending on who you ask. it can be the truth, it can be beliefs, it can be a myth that someone penned. it can be thousands of different people who all interacted in just a certain way that lead to something spectacular happening... or something mundane. ]
I feel like I learn something new about it, every time I relive it. No matter how many times you meet the same person... you can still see something new about them.
[ ... ]
I don't have an answer for you. I am still trying to figure that out.
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mikazuki had said suishinshi on the equivalent of a test through time in order to earn his trust, to believe that he might be able to rely on any others in even the smallest capacity.
it is different for tsurumaru, who mikazuki loves most of all, but who might still come the closest to understanding his mindset once he arrives on a decision. would mikazuki wish this life he leads upon anyone?
no.
but the conflict lies in the fact that tsurumaru still does not seem to be willing to let him go.
. . . so instead he will take tsurumaru's other hand and guide it to his own face, only so mikazuki can let his cheek rest against it. the touch of his beloved. he wishes that it centered him more than it does, instead of just reminding him of what more he could still lose.]
... when you find your answer, perhaps it will be easier to talk upon it then.
But I feel similarly. History is like a large river.... and I believe it has the power to return to its course. Yet those who play a tragic role within it... face certain constraints. And I similarly feel that we, Touken Danshi, face our own constraints....
[and there is a limit to how much suffering mikazuki can accept as necessary]
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at the very least, it seems like people in mikazuki's citadel are somewhat aware that he is up to something, even if they do not fully understand his motives behind it or what he is doing. his own were caught off guard, for the most part, until it was too late.
tsuru wonders if things could have changed for his other mikazuki if they knew even a little more.
he refocuses his attention on this one, the mikazuki munechika he loves more than just a dear friend. ]
... I guess we will see. [ ... ] But if there is one thing that I know, it's that whatever you are up to... you did not betray anyone.
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but this tsurumaru is right.]
... intention and perception are two different things.
[even if he might never intend to break someone's trust, it is a fact that he will. even if he might never intend to harm his fellow swords and his citadel, some choices he makes can look like exactly that.]
... I imagine your Mikazuki Munechika knew that as well.
[and he broke for it.
and so much of tsurumaru's actions are better explained, with that knowledge]
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There are a few of us who are working to get him out.
[ it's admittedly quietly. they flat out stated he was stuck in a time loop in the memory, but tsuru still manages to avoid saying it now. and he can't really say they all are, because mikazuki has eyes and he definitely saw hasebe's reaction. ]
I don't intend to leave anyone behind.
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[he'd joked about this before - back when they spoke of their friends. but it feels all the more real now, with his own plans and intentions even slightly revealed to tsurumaru. and knowing that another version of himself was lost entirely.
. . . ]
He probably isn't expecting it, you know. He probably made every decision knowingly - even aware you would all be hurt for it.
Even if that wasn't his intention... it is understandable if it is hard to forgive.
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it's such a funny thought to tsuru though, because even if he never met this mikazuki, he knows he would still do whatever possible to save the other one. for tsurumaru, it is not a question of forgiveness or not. ]
He is a bit of a pain. I do not appreciate being left alone for too long.
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even though he himself would never look upon his comrades in such terms.
why would tsurumaru?]
... he never would have wanted to leave. His comrades. His master. His home.
And of those, you least of all.
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Perhaps I can introduce you one day. I am sure it'll go well.
[ because he will save the other mikazuki, and this one will be able to live to do this.
it's fine? or... it may not be fine, but they'll make sure it will be in the end. ]
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but he will accept the kiss, and give tsurumaru another.]
... that sounds more like inviting trouble to your doorstep, my love.
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[ it's something to look forward to, for the future. ]
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... would you care to meet the other crane as well?
[myu tsuru would have more reason to stab jiji but it's cool]
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[ that seems like a horrible time ]
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he laughs at that]
It would certainly be something.
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You do not wish to share me with even yourself?
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mikazuki will just let his hand rest at the curve of tsuru's jaw, guiding his face back to this]
... I believe I will always love you - each version of you.
But I suppose I do not mind. Loving this you the most.
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[ it's hard to argue against that. ]
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[praise kink]
So I must naturally attend to your desires.
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