[ of course mikazuki wouldn't forget to ask about it.
there's a pause, before he just sighs. ]
I wasn't lying in the trial. It was about a party. It was filled with people I hold dear, and others, and everyone was having a good time. But no matter how much I tried to interact with them, they'd ignore me. They didn't want me there. I didn't belong.
[ he readjusts his hold on him. ]
I didn't belong anywhere. Being alive was a mistake. Eventually, I broke, and they moved the remains of my sword out of the way to not bother the festivities. And then it looped.
mikazuki will pause then, before letting his hand come up to tsurumaru's face. he traces his cheek before guiding him down to press one kiss to his mouth, followed by another, and another.
eventually, he murmurs against his lips]
I could not look away from you even if I ever cared to try - and I never will.
he closes his eyes then, because he's not in charge of where they're going, so he doesn't have to keep them open. he lets his head rest against tsuru's chest.]
.... I suppose not all of us dream of our hostage, then.
[softly, to start.]
.... Aruji was destroying each of you. One by one, using machines to destroy their blades. He was lost to me. The Citadel gone. The ink came for me next, and broke me, until I awoke again and the dream repeated.
[he listens to tsurumaru's heart to keep him steady - and he does not open his eyes. but that does not stop the sadness that permeates into his voice. he was so careful not to speak of it.
[ the greatest accomplishment here is that tsuru doesn't drop him
he doesn't let his steps falter, instead focusing on walking forward. the only other movement is that he leans forward to press a kiss to the top mikazuki's head, soft and warm.
tsurumaru is searching for an answer here. he doesn't think he has one that will solve this. ]
All these places do is feed off of us. Our negativity, our pain, our dreams... each week it tries to erode away our spirits until we're less than we were.
[ it really is unfortunate that mikazuki has had bad luck these last few weeks. ]
You will not break. Even if I have to keep you whole with my bare hands.
[because even now - jiji's glow had been faint over the course of the week, but ever since returning on thursday, it looks as though he has begun to crack. like porcelain breaking.]
And what if I would rather keep you whole, than make you bleed with my pieces?
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mikazuki will close his eyes then and be at peace for a moment, letting tsurumaru carry him with little care or concern.
though eventually - ]
It did not occur to me until now... that in the village, they were always correct.
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[ he glances down at him. ]
They were always wrong at the camp. They only got a culprit... twice, I believe.
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[ there's a laugh. ]
But at the same time, it's not that different of a feeling.
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... the emotions of humans certainly permeate, don't they?
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[wild...
mikazuki pauses for a moment, before - ]
If you tell me what you dreamt of, I shall share mine as well.
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there's a pause, before he just sighs. ]
I wasn't lying in the trial. It was about a party. It was filled with people I hold dear, and others, and everyone was having a good time. But no matter how much I tried to interact with them, they'd ignore me. They didn't want me there. I didn't belong.
[ he readjusts his hold on him. ]
I didn't belong anywhere. Being alive was a mistake. Eventually, I broke, and they moved the remains of my sword out of the way to not bother the festivities. And then it looped.
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mikazuki will pause then, before letting his hand come up to tsurumaru's face. he traces his cheek before guiding him down to press one kiss to his mouth, followed by another, and another.
eventually, he murmurs against his lips]
I could not look away from you even if I ever cared to try - and I never will.
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[ this is tsuru's only admittance to gaslighting jiji about his looks ]
I'm fine. It was only a dream.
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[simply.]
.... I believe they show us that which might unsettle our heart most - or at least draws close to the feeling.
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[ isn't that the question of the century. ]
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he closes his eyes then, because he's not in charge of where they're going, so he doesn't have to keep them open. he lets his head rest against tsuru's chest.]
.... I suppose not all of us dream of our hostage, then.
[softly, to start.]
.... Aruji was destroying each of you. One by one, using machines to destroy their blades. He was lost to me. The Citadel gone. The ink came for me next, and broke me, until I awoke again and the dream repeated.
[he listens to tsurumaru's heart to keep him steady - and he does not open his eyes. but that does not stop the sadness that permeates into his voice. he was so careful not to speak of it.
it is too close to what he certainly fears most.]
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he doesn't let his steps falter, instead focusing on walking forward. the only other movement is that he leans forward to press a kiss to the top mikazuki's head, soft and warm.
tsurumaru is searching for an answer here. he doesn't think he has one that will solve this. ]
No one has been destroyed.
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... mm. I won't allow it.
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[ it really is unfortunate that mikazuki has had bad luck these last few weeks. ]
You will not break. Even if I have to keep you whole with my bare hands.
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[because even now - jiji's glow had been faint over the course of the week, but ever since returning on thursday, it looks as though he has begun to crack. like porcelain breaking.]
And what if I would rather keep you whole, than make you bleed with my pieces?
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[ he stops walking. ]
Even if that means ignoring what you want.
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… how honest of you.
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[ there's a pause, and then he resumes walking.
they're at least back at the hotel now. ]
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You are at once surprisingly truthful and deceptive, my love.
[and he sounds so terribly fond.]
I never know what ought be done with you.
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[ needy. ]
And second... I guess we will see what happens.
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What would you most like to hear from me?
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What a difficult question...
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