which is different. even as lune, he would always allow tsurumaru to touch him as he pleased. to mikazuki, touch is precious. it is a way to not only gain other's attention, but to know that he has the autonomy to reach out to who he wants to.
the person he most wants to hold onto is reaching for him.
eventually, after who can say how long has passed, mikazuki will raise his hand to take tsurumaru's. he twines their fingers together, and tugs - this time to pull tsurumaru closer.
he doesn't mind being misunderstood. in fact, he prefers it. allow anyone to think what they'd like of him, because it will be easier on their own hearts when he betrays that trust and disappoints them terribly. but there is something else here.]
... I am always looking at you.
[and then softly, as though he's sharing a secret:] And that is why I do not wish for you to follow after me. Not when you are who I wish to care for most, and to see no harm come to you.
My heart is always yours, Mikazuki Munechika. Even if you did love me less.
[ even if mikazuki lets go of this hand, it will always be his.
he lets his face fall against mikazuki's shoulder, and he has to soak in the physical contact. he senses that they were so close to falling over an edge that he is not sure if they would have been able to climb back up from. even now, it feels like they're balancing over the precipice. ]
[ . . . mikazuki does not pull away - but there is something in him that remains tense. for a sword so commonly discussed and revered over centuries, there is still something uncomfortable to him about being properly witnessed. even the person he loves trying to know him.
there is a guilt in being aware that he was always going to bring tsurumaru sorrow eventually - but it is different, to have to be caught before it comes to pass, and pleaded with. he lets his thumb brush over tsurumaru's hand where they're intertwined, and his other comes to rest at his waist.]
You seem to underestimate how precious you are to me.
[ the feeling of having something other than history to think about. when their lives are so caught up with what happened in the past, that they relive the same events over and over again in order to preserve it.
it's nice, tsuru thinks, to be able to have a dream for the future that's just his. ]
What is the point in being a crane if I can't give the one I love some luck?
[mikazuki feels as though he'd need far more than luck to keep him from his own end - but at least his is chosen. at least these are the consequences of his own actions, rather than a predetermined fate.
but he supposes if anyone can get him to quietly hope for a miracle, it would be tsurumaru.
he brings his hand up to his face, tracing from temple to cheek to chin, as though memorizing him anew. next he closes the distance, pressing his lips against his forehead, by the corners his eyes, over the arches of his cheekbones, and then finally hovering just by his lips, just short of making contact
[ he thinks about how mikazuki was definitely ready to attack him earlier.
and he puts that thought aside, and just laughs instead-- quiet and sad but still filled with a kind of amusement that can only come from being around mikazuki munechika.
tsurumaru doesn't kiss him; he waits for mikazuki to make the move. ]
My Lune, you will only have to say that to me if you let go.
mikazuki doesn't bother to ask that question, only pressing their lips together in a kiss that lingers.]
Then—
[stardust! because the thing is that tsurumaru is patient, more patient than mikazuki deserves. there are times in which mikazuki would truly rather die or kill than explain anything about what he's doing.
Taira no Masakado begins his siege upon the central government. There are a great number of theories as to why he pursued his rebellion. Some believe it to be to protect the common folk against tyranny. Others to say that it was done to gain independence. He is a fearsome warrior, with enough strength to rival even you Sword Warriors. He is gallant, and awe-inspiring. Any would be honored to have him for a master.
You watch the unit seeking to fulfill this mission - in order for the mission to succeed, Taira no Masakado cannot win. You stand by, a bow held in one hand and an arrow in the other.
Bodies fall one after another until finally he declares, “I am the new emperor!!”
The unit is too far - they cannot assist. Taira no Masakado lives, when history dictates that he should not.
The ground beneath your feet quakes. The world slows to a stop. All humans are frozen - until they reanimate moments later… but they hardly retain their humanity. Their words are traded for screams, anguished and distorted. Their blades are turned upon one another without care or concern. What will follow will be endless bloodshed until not one human remains on this planet - they will lead to their own destruction.
The time government has made its decision. This timeline has been lost.
☽
It is March 25th. The year is 940.
Taira no Masakado begins his siege upon the central government. There are a great number of theories as to why he pursued his rebellion. Some believe it to be to protect the common folk against tyranny. Others to say that it was done to gain independence. He is a fearsome warrior, with enough strength to rival even you Sword Warriors. He is gallant, and awe-inspiring. Any would be honored to have him for a master.
You approach him.
“Who are you?” he asks, and you offer nothing more than a crescent of a smile.
“A friend,” you say, for you always introduce yourself the same way. “To those who must play a tragic role in history.”
Those who must die, for the sake of humanity. Those who must betray friends and family, for the course of the future. Those who are regarded as villains, who perform the most treacherous acts of all, because if they did not - they will destroy everything that comes after them.
Those who do not have the choice to be kind - not until you arrive.
You tell him that he will lose, but he must fight - for that is history. To even bear this message is the greatest taboo to be committed. Humans should not know of you Touken Danshi - you Sword Warriors - and instead be puppeted by strings outside their control in order to fall in line with history on their own.
(How could you accept that?)
“Do you tell everyone who must die that their fate is coming?” he questions you, but his grin is all teeth. A man backed into a corner - told his future and yet still intending to rebel.
(Good, you think. Rebel. Claim your life as your own.)
You do not answer him, and only smile instead. Though from his next laugh that follows, you imagine he must read the truth in your eyes.
“Oi… You’re too kind, Mikazuki,” he says then. And with the audacity that could only belong to a dead man walking, he tells you, “If you get too close to the losers, before long, you’ll share their fate.”
Despite what you have said, he continues to question the logic of your current system:
“What exactly is history? Old documents? Old artifacts? The fragrance of flowers, songs and poems. If something isn’t handed down, did it never exist? Of course not.”
It is a bold statement to make to you - the most beautiful blade to have never seen battle. To be so regarded as a treasure that you were kept longer than almost all else. Your existence is certain. Your mark on history is never in doubt.
But there are so many people - so many lives - that can be so easily lost.
You shake your head and begin to leave - but a thought occurs to you. A flash of a face appears in your mind’s eye… and you remember of this bold young sword. Suishinshi Masahide.
‘I don’t know how much I can do, but back then, Mikazuki Munechika’s eyes shone with a sadness. If possible, I would like to save him.’
To be saved… Is such a fate in reach for you?
Something in your chest aches - even now, you are still cared for. Even now, no matter the blood upon your blade and the rebellion in your heart.
How does kindness always manage to cut so deeply?
“‘Why did you rebel and name yourself the New Emperor.’ … Someday, someone will appear to ask you that question,” you tell Taira no Masakado as you turn to leave. “When that time comes, please answer them honestly.”
This is what little you can do.
Even this much - you have nearly been broken for it before, and you imagine that you will not stop until you are broken for good. But you are Mikazuki Munechika, and in the darkness of the ties of fate and tragedy, isn’t the little light of the crescent moon better than nothing at all?
☽
It is March 25th. The year is 940.
Taira no Masakado begins his siege upon the central government. There are a great number of theories as to why he pursued his rebellion. Some believe it to be to protect the common folk against tyranny. Others to say that it was done to gain independence. He is a fearsome warrior, with enough strength to rival even you Sword Warriors. He is gallant, and awe-inspiring. Any would be honored to have him for a master.
You watch the unit seeking to fulfill this mission - in order for the mission to succeed, Taira no Masakado cannot win. You stand by, a bow held in one hand and an arrow in the other.
Bodies fall one after another until finally he declares, “I am the new emperor!!”
This time, you loose your arrow. It finds its target upon his skull.
it shows in his expression, and he has to blink it away into something more neutral. but as the memory settles over him, at the same time it is not too unexpected. he remembers his own mikazuki, running away with the revisionists...
he pulls away from mikazuki just enough so that he can look at him properly. ]
You are always up to something.
[ he knows that mikazuki wouldn't have wanted this seen. so he just waits. ]
he shuts his eyes, letting them close as he thinks upon what he wishes to say next. everything that he was trying to avoid admitting to seems to be laid between them, and now he's been caught yet again.
suishinshi is bright-eyed and naive, though his heart is in the right place. he wants to help.
but it is hard to forget his own tsurumaru, so dedicated to the mission that he will let it batter his own soul.
[ isn't it a lot of things? history means something different depending on who you ask. it can be the truth, it can be beliefs, it can be a myth that someone penned. it can be thousands of different people who all interacted in just a certain way that lead to something spectacular happening... or something mundane. ]
I feel like I learn something new about it, every time I relive it. No matter how many times you meet the same person... you can still see something new about them.
[ ... ]
I don't have an answer for you. I am still trying to figure that out.
mikazuki had said suishinshi on the equivalent of a test through time in order to earn his trust, to believe that he might be able to rely on any others in even the smallest capacity.
it is different for tsurumaru, who mikazuki loves most of all, but who might still come the closest to understanding his mindset once he arrives on a decision. would mikazuki wish this life he leads upon anyone?
no.
but the conflict lies in the fact that tsurumaru still does not seem to be willing to let him go.
. . . so instead he will take tsurumaru's other hand and guide it to his own face, only so mikazuki can let his cheek rest against it. the touch of his beloved. he wishes that it centered him more than it does, instead of just reminding him of what more he could still lose.]
... when you find your answer, perhaps it will be easier to talk upon it then.
But I feel similarly. History is like a large river.... and I believe it has the power to return to its course. Yet those who play a tragic role within it... face certain constraints. And I similarly feel that we, Touken Danshi, face our own constraints....
[and there is a limit to how much suffering mikazuki can accept as necessary]
[ how long has he been dealing with this without anyone else knowing.
at the very least, it seems like people in mikazuki's citadel are somewhat aware that he is up to something, even if they do not fully understand his motives behind it or what he is doing. his own were caught off guard, for the most part, until it was too late.
tsuru wonders if things could have changed for his other mikazuki if they knew even a little more.
he refocuses his attention on this one, the mikazuki munechika he loves more than just a dear friend. ]
... I guess we will see. [ ... ] But if there is one thing that I know, it's that whatever you are up to... you did not betray anyone.
[it makes him pause - if only because he did not expect the reassurance. he is used to sympathy, by now, if only because of the way that others treat him. but he still expects anger, indignation. the same that kogitsunemaru showed him when he bared his fangs, and then the despaired shouts of another crane to the sea.
but this tsurumaru is right.]
... intention and perception are two different things.
[even if he might never intend to break someone's trust, it is a fact that he will. even if he might never intend to harm his fellow swords and his citadel, some choices he makes can look like exactly that.]
... I imagine your Mikazuki Munechika knew that as well.
[and he broke for it.
and so much of tsurumaru's actions are better explained, with that knowledge]
[ yes... he definitely broke... that is what happened and tsuru will keep that illusion forever... ]
There are a few of us who are working to get him out.
[ it's admittedly quietly. they flat out stated he was stuck in a time loop in the memory, but tsuru still manages to avoid saying it now. and he can't really say they all are, because mikazuki has eyes and he definitely saw hasebe's reaction. ]
... what a troublesome individual this Mikazuki Munechika is.
[he'd joked about this before - back when they spoke of their friends. but it feels all the more real now, with his own plans and intentions even slightly revealed to tsurumaru. and knowing that another version of himself was lost entirely.
. . . ]
He probably isn't expecting it, you know. He probably made every decision knowingly - even aware you would all be hurt for it.
Even if that wasn't his intention... it is understandable if it is hard to forgive.
[ mikazuki don't give hasebe an excuse he's just a bitch..... tsuru doesn't think this, but i do.
it's such a funny thought to tsuru though, because even if he never met this mikazuki, he knows he would still do whatever possible to save the other one. for tsurumaru, it is not a question of forgiveness or not. ]
He is a bit of a pain. I do not appreciate being left alone for too long.
[there is a certain irony to it - that mikazuki is applying such specific ways of thinking to the situation. forgiveness. retribution. what is deserved.
even though he himself would never look upon his comrades in such terms.
why would tsurumaru?]
... he never would have wanted to leave. His comrades. His master. His home.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ he'll move closer. ]
We seem to desire different things.
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. . . but he does manage a smile. it is a little sincere.]
I would rather be alone at the end of my journey.
[a beat]
I do not wish to leave you.
[it is not just between the two of them that want different things - but there is a contradictory in mikazuki's own desires]
... they say it is impossible to truly know a mind, even your own.
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Being alive is truly complex, isn't it?
[ he reaches out, and his hand hovers close to mikazuki's, not yet touching but still there. ]
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which is different. even as lune, he would always allow tsurumaru to touch him as he pleased. to mikazuki, touch is precious. it is a way to not only gain other's attention, but to know that he has the autonomy to reach out to who he wants to.
the person he most wants to hold onto is reaching for him.
still, he deliberates.]
... that is the beauty of it.
As well as its tragedy.
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Don't only look forward so that you can't see who's besides you, Mikazuki.
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eventually, after who can say how long has passed, mikazuki will raise his hand to take tsurumaru's. he twines their fingers together, and tugs - this time to pull tsurumaru closer.
he doesn't mind being misunderstood. in fact, he prefers it. allow anyone to think what they'd like of him, because it will be easier on their own hearts when he betrays that trust and disappoints them terribly. but there is something else here.]
... I am always looking at you.
[and then softly, as though he's sharing a secret:] And that is why I do not wish for you to follow after me. Not when you are who I wish to care for most, and to see no harm come to you.
This would be simpler if only I loved you less.
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[ even if mikazuki lets go of this hand, it will always be his.
he lets his face fall against mikazuki's shoulder, and he has to soak in the physical contact. he senses that they were so close to falling over an edge that he is not sure if they would have been able to climb back up from. even now, it feels like they're balancing over the precipice. ]
Please remain in my care.
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there is a guilt in being aware that he was always going to bring tsurumaru sorrow eventually - but it is different, to have to be caught before it comes to pass, and pleaded with. he lets his thumb brush over tsurumaru's hand where they're intertwined, and his other comes to rest at his waist.]
... why do you persist?
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[ the feeling of having something other than history to think about. when their lives are so caught up with what happened in the past, that they relive the same events over and over again in order to preserve it.
it's nice, tsuru thinks, to be able to have a dream for the future that's just his. ]
What is the point in being a crane if I can't give the one I love some luck?
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but he supposes if anyone can get him to quietly hope for a miracle, it would be tsurumaru.
he brings his hand up to his face, tracing from temple to cheek to chin, as though memorizing him anew. next he closes the distance, pressing his lips against his forehead, by the corners his eyes, over the arches of his cheekbones, and then finally hovering just by his lips, just short of making contact
softly, softly - ]
I am sorry.
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and he puts that thought aside, and just laughs instead-- quiet and sad but still filled with a kind of amusement that can only come from being around mikazuki munechika.
tsurumaru doesn't kiss him; he waits for mikazuki to make the move. ]
My Lune, you will only have to say that to me if you let go.
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[it's a promise he wants to make but can't quite bring himself to]
Is that enough?
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[ at the end of the day, if they have to cut another down, they would. regardless if they want to or not, or how much it'll hurt after. ]
[1/2]
mikazuki doesn't bother to ask that question, only pressing their lips together in a kiss that lingers.]
Then—
[stardust! because the thing is that tsurumaru is patient, more patient than mikazuki deserves. there are times in which mikazuki would truly rather die or kill than explain anything about what he's doing.
so the best option is to force him out of it.]
no subject
Taira no Masakado begins his siege upon the central government. There are a great number of theories as to why he pursued his rebellion. Some believe it to be to protect the common folk against tyranny. Others to say that it was done to gain independence. He is a fearsome warrior, with enough strength to rival even you Sword Warriors. He is gallant, and awe-inspiring. Any would be honored to have him for a master.
You watch the unit seeking to fulfill this mission - in order for the mission to succeed, Taira no Masakado cannot win. You stand by, a bow held in one hand and an arrow in the other.
Bodies fall one after another until finally he declares, “I am the new emperor!!”
The unit is too far - they cannot assist. Taira no Masakado lives, when history dictates that he should not.
The ground beneath your feet quakes. The world slows to a stop. All humans are frozen - until they reanimate moments later… but they hardly retain their humanity. Their words are traded for screams, anguished and distorted. Their blades are turned upon one another without care or concern. What will follow will be endless bloodshed until not one human remains on this planet - they will lead to their own destruction.
The time government has made its decision. This timeline has been lost.
It is March 25th. The year is 940.
Taira no Masakado begins his siege upon the central government. There are a great number of theories as to why he pursued his rebellion. Some believe it to be to protect the common folk against tyranny. Others to say that it was done to gain independence. He is a fearsome warrior, with enough strength to rival even you Sword Warriors. He is gallant, and awe-inspiring. Any would be honored to have him for a master.
You approach him.
“Who are you?” he asks, and you offer nothing more than a crescent of a smile.
“A friend,” you say, for you always introduce yourself the same way. “To those who must play a tragic role in history.”
Those who must die, for the sake of humanity. Those who must betray friends and family, for the course of the future. Those who are regarded as villains, who perform the most treacherous acts of all, because if they did not - they will destroy everything that comes after them.
Those who do not have the choice to be kind - not until you arrive.
You tell him that he will lose, but he must fight - for that is history. To even bear this message is the greatest taboo to be committed. Humans should not know of you Touken Danshi - you Sword Warriors - and instead be puppeted by strings outside their control in order to fall in line with history on their own.
(How could you accept that?)
“Do you tell everyone who must die that their fate is coming?” he questions you, but his grin is all teeth. A man backed into a corner - told his future and yet still intending to rebel.
(Good, you think. Rebel. Claim your life as your own.)
You do not answer him, and only smile instead. Though from his next laugh that follows, you imagine he must read the truth in your eyes.
“Oi… You’re too kind, Mikazuki,” he says then. And with the audacity that could only belong to a dead man walking, he tells you, “If you get too close to the losers, before long, you’ll share their fate.”
Despite what you have said, he continues to question the logic of your current system:
“What exactly is history? Old documents? Old artifacts? The fragrance of flowers, songs and poems. If something isn’t handed down, did it never exist? Of course not.”
It is a bold statement to make to you - the most beautiful blade to have never seen battle. To be so regarded as a treasure that you were kept longer than almost all else. Your existence is certain. Your mark on history is never in doubt.
But there are so many people - so many lives - that can be so easily lost.
You shake your head and begin to leave - but a thought occurs to you. A flash of a face appears in your mind’s eye… and you remember of this bold young sword. Suishinshi Masahide.
‘I don’t know how much I can do, but back then, Mikazuki Munechika’s eyes shone with a sadness. If possible, I would like to save him.’
To be saved… Is such a fate in reach for you?
Something in your chest aches - even now, you are still cared for. Even now, no matter the blood upon your blade and the rebellion in your heart.
How does kindness always manage to cut so deeply?
“‘Why did you rebel and name yourself the New Emperor.’ … Someday, someone will appear to ask you that question,” you tell Taira no Masakado as you turn to leave. “When that time comes, please answer them honestly.”
This is what little you can do.
Even this much - you have nearly been broken for it before, and you imagine that you will not stop until you are broken for good. But you are Mikazuki Munechika, and in the darkness of the ties of fate and tragedy, isn’t the little light of the crescent moon better than nothing at all?
It is March 25th. The year is 940.
Taira no Masakado begins his siege upon the central government. There are a great number of theories as to why he pursued his rebellion. Some believe it to be to protect the common folk against tyranny. Others to say that it was done to gain independence. He is a fearsome warrior, with enough strength to rival even you Sword Warriors. He is gallant, and awe-inspiring. Any would be honored to have him for a master.
You watch the unit seeking to fulfill this mission - in order for the mission to succeed, Taira no Masakado cannot win. You stand by, a bow held in one hand and an arrow in the other.
Bodies fall one after another until finally he declares, “I am the new emperor!!”
This time, you loose your arrow. It finds its target upon his skull.
“Goodbye, my friend.”
History is restored. ]
no subject
it shows in his expression, and he has to blink it away into something more neutral. but as the memory settles over him, at the same time it is not too unexpected. he remembers his own mikazuki, running away with the revisionists...
he pulls away from mikazuki just enough so that he can look at him properly. ]
You are always up to something.
[ he knows that mikazuki wouldn't have wanted this seen. so he just waits. ]
no subject
he shuts his eyes, letting them close as he thinks upon what he wishes to say next. everything that he was trying to avoid admitting to seems to be laid between them, and now he's been caught yet again.
suishinshi is bright-eyed and naive, though his heart is in the right place. he wants to help.
but it is hard to forget his own tsurumaru, so dedicated to the mission that he will let it batter his own soul.
what will this one be?]
.... what do you suppose history is?
no subject
[ isn't it a lot of things? history means something different depending on who you ask. it can be the truth, it can be beliefs, it can be a myth that someone penned. it can be thousands of different people who all interacted in just a certain way that lead to something spectacular happening... or something mundane. ]
I feel like I learn something new about it, every time I relive it. No matter how many times you meet the same person... you can still see something new about them.
[ ... ]
I don't have an answer for you. I am still trying to figure that out.
no subject
mikazuki had said suishinshi on the equivalent of a test through time in order to earn his trust, to believe that he might be able to rely on any others in even the smallest capacity.
it is different for tsurumaru, who mikazuki loves most of all, but who might still come the closest to understanding his mindset once he arrives on a decision. would mikazuki wish this life he leads upon anyone?
no.
but the conflict lies in the fact that tsurumaru still does not seem to be willing to let him go.
. . . so instead he will take tsurumaru's other hand and guide it to his own face, only so mikazuki can let his cheek rest against it. the touch of his beloved. he wishes that it centered him more than it does, instead of just reminding him of what more he could still lose.]
... when you find your answer, perhaps it will be easier to talk upon it then.
But I feel similarly. History is like a large river.... and I believe it has the power to return to its course. Yet those who play a tragic role within it... face certain constraints. And I similarly feel that we, Touken Danshi, face our own constraints....
[and there is a limit to how much suffering mikazuki can accept as necessary]
no subject
at the very least, it seems like people in mikazuki's citadel are somewhat aware that he is up to something, even if they do not fully understand his motives behind it or what he is doing. his own were caught off guard, for the most part, until it was too late.
tsuru wonders if things could have changed for his other mikazuki if they knew even a little more.
he refocuses his attention on this one, the mikazuki munechika he loves more than just a dear friend. ]
... I guess we will see. [ ... ] But if there is one thing that I know, it's that whatever you are up to... you did not betray anyone.
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but this tsurumaru is right.]
... intention and perception are two different things.
[even if he might never intend to break someone's trust, it is a fact that he will. even if he might never intend to harm his fellow swords and his citadel, some choices he makes can look like exactly that.]
... I imagine your Mikazuki Munechika knew that as well.
[and he broke for it.
and so much of tsurumaru's actions are better explained, with that knowledge]
no subject
There are a few of us who are working to get him out.
[ it's admittedly quietly. they flat out stated he was stuck in a time loop in the memory, but tsuru still manages to avoid saying it now. and he can't really say they all are, because mikazuki has eyes and he definitely saw hasebe's reaction. ]
I don't intend to leave anyone behind.
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[he'd joked about this before - back when they spoke of their friends. but it feels all the more real now, with his own plans and intentions even slightly revealed to tsurumaru. and knowing that another version of himself was lost entirely.
. . . ]
He probably isn't expecting it, you know. He probably made every decision knowingly - even aware you would all be hurt for it.
Even if that wasn't his intention... it is understandable if it is hard to forgive.
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it's such a funny thought to tsuru though, because even if he never met this mikazuki, he knows he would still do whatever possible to save the other one. for tsurumaru, it is not a question of forgiveness or not. ]
He is a bit of a pain. I do not appreciate being left alone for too long.
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even though he himself would never look upon his comrades in such terms.
why would tsurumaru?]
... he never would have wanted to leave. His comrades. His master. His home.
And of those, you least of all.
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