[ he blinks, staring at the closed door. but, like always, his attention turns towards the man beside him. he has lost count of how many times he's simply watched him. this mikazuki, and the other one.
...
there's a shrug. ]
Do you want to try another door, or call it a day?
mikazuki lets his arm fall around tsuru's middle, encouraging him closer in this hallway. trial is going to be interesting when they're actually in public]
And what did you think... when you saw this? It's one thing to contemplate your own passing, but it's another to see the ones you leave behind, my Lune-chan.
[ it is, admittedly, an unusual phenomenon that tsuru is used to. the thing about dying in a place like this, is that you get to watch how your friends deal with that loss after. if they mention you in public... how they may remain angry at you throughout the weeks. ]
he knows tsurumaru is trying to get him to be honest - and he supposes that for once, it should be his turn to answer something like this first. he only wishes that his answer was more satisfying.]
... to behold these hearts is to understand when they ache, and what it is that makes them ache. When you cannot protect what you wish to protect. When your comrades suffer in front of your eyes. When there is no good answer for all the pain felt.
Perhaps I am too used to this passage of time and lives, Tsurumaru-chan.
But this feeling of loss is not mine - and yet all at once, it is always mine.
[mikazuki is always in mourning - but never for himself.]
it probably shouldn't be, given that they said they would both try, but it's still one regardless. it just always feels like mikazuki is a few steps too far ahead, always out of reach except for a slight graze of their fingertips.
tsuru will take this response, whether or not it satisfied his curiosity. ]
... you know, when you take the characters of 'nothing' and 'heart', it creates 'sadness'.
[he lets his arm around tsurumaru's waist pull him closer, as if only to let mikazuki remind himself that he can. that these bodies will allow him to reach out and touch as he pleases.]
When sadness falls upon your spirit, does it feel like nothing?
he allows himself to close his eyes for a moment, and he has to consider how this would be a good time to say something to mikazuki. he chooses not to, but he has to at least acknowledge his own hypocrisy. ]
The same goes for me. I will be here as long as I am able.
and he does wonder what's on the other side of them all, but this one door hit a little too close to home. it brushed against something too fresh, and he knows if his expression cracks even a little, then mikazuki will take note of it to reexamine later. ]
That one over there just leads to never-ending doors.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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...
there's a shrug. ]
Do you want to try another door, or call it a day?
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Is your heart not in turmoil, Tsurumaru Kuninaga?
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[ it hits a little close to home in ways he doesn't want to think about. ]
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he will beckon tsuru closer with the opening of his arm, hand reaching out for him]
... my dear crane, you never wish to discuss the state of your heart.
[jiji just makes him anyway,]
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[ but he will step towards him anyway, because why wouldn't he. ]
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mikazuki lets his arm fall around tsuru's middle, encouraging him closer in this hallway. trial is going to be interesting when they're actually in public]
Have you asked me anything?
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You saw your loved ones mourning you, Mikazuki.
[ he wraps his arms around mikazuki's neck. ]
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[he lets his forehead fall to rest against tsuru's
he is still waiting for a question]
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[ it is, admittedly, an unusual phenomenon that tsuru is used to. the thing about dying in a place like this, is that you get to watch how your friends deal with that loss after. if they mention you in public... how they may remain angry at you throughout the weeks. ]
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he knows tsurumaru is trying to get him to be honest - and he supposes that for once, it should be his turn to answer something like this first. he only wishes that his answer was more satisfying.]
... to behold these hearts is to understand when they ache, and what it is that makes them ache. When you cannot protect what you wish to protect. When your comrades suffer in front of your eyes. When there is no good answer for all the pain felt.
Perhaps I am too used to this passage of time and lives, Tsurumaru-chan.
But this feeling of loss is not mine - and yet all at once, it is always mine.
[mikazuki is always in mourning - but never for himself.]
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it probably shouldn't be, given that they said they would both try, but it's still one regardless. it just always feels like mikazuki is a few steps too far ahead, always out of reach except for a slight graze of their fingertips.
tsuru will take this response, whether or not it satisfied his curiosity. ]
... you know, when you take the characters of 'nothing' and 'heart', it creates 'sadness'.
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[he lets his arm around tsurumaru's waist pull him closer, as if only to let mikazuki remind himself that he can. that these bodies will allow him to reach out and touch as he pleases.]
When sadness falls upon your spirit, does it feel like nothing?
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[ he buries his face in the crook of his shoulder. ]
It's an ache.
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with all the sadness he feels, all the parts of him that must have become hollow, he wonders if there is truly anything left.]
... I still believe that all things must come to an end.
But I do not wish to hurry that day along, my crane.
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he allows himself to close his eyes for a moment, and he has to consider how this would be a good time to say something to mikazuki. he chooses not to, but he has to at least acknowledge his own hypocrisy. ]
The same goes for me. I will be here as long as I am able.
[ at this hotel, and when they leave. ]
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quietly, he turns his head so that his lips brush lightly against tsurumaru's hair.]
And I find that fortune smiles upon me, each day that you are.
Is that not just as vital as any history? Do we not get to create our own?
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[ he stays like this for another moment, before he carefully steps away from him. ]
It's selfish to be glad that you're here with me, but I still am.
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he doesn't say these things - but he does wonder them. instead he will just smile]
Ha ha ha... then be selfish, my crane. These hearts can hold all manner of emotion - it would be a shame not to explore them.
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he reaches to grab his hand. ]
Let's go get a snack, Mikazuki.
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despite the lingering feeling, mikazuki's smile eases into its usual carefreeness]
Very well, very well. Do the other doors not interest you?
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and he does wonder what's on the other side of them all, but this one door hit a little too close to home. it brushed against something too fresh, and he knows if his expression cracks even a little, then mikazuki will take note of it to reexamine later. ]
That one over there just leads to never-ending doors.
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[but he makes no move toward it, instead allowing tsurumaru to lead him where he pleases]
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[ he looks back at mikazuki. ]
You choose.
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[he won't force tsuru through another if he'd rather do something else]
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