Perhaps they will later? A setting like this sort of sets it up for you to cry.
[ his gaze only stays on the sanjous for a few seconds before it settles on mikazuki. it feels a little mean to not care about their grief too much in this moment, but he knows they aren't actually real.
if there's one person's reaction he wants to see, it's mikazuki's. ]
[as the ceremony draws to its end, whatever blur on the picture frame disappears, leaving only the image of mikazuki munechika. it had been obvious from their entrance, he thinks. at the end of his days, only his comrades would be alive to remember him. all those he had met would have met their end long before he -
as it always has been.
there is a flash of emotion on his face as he gazes upon it, takes in every detail and every evidence before him that his life may be worth mourning.
he feels a sense of inevitability - of resignation.
if this is what it takes... if this is what it takes....]
[ he'll take the flower, spinning the stem between his fingers. if this isn't real, he notes that the lotus likely won't be leaving the room. and he also notes that he'd be glad for that, actually.
it's odd, to discuss the inevitable about something-- someone-- that feels so eternal. even when you know that they're not. ]
Unfortunately, for now you're still stuck with me.
[mikazuki begins to say something - but they are quickly thrown out of the room. they are back in the hallway, "disoriented and with a deep sense of loss".
hm. his eyes narrow in thought for a moment - if only because he is trying to place this feeling, for it certainly isn't his.]
[ he blinks, staring at the closed door. but, like always, his attention turns towards the man beside him. he has lost count of how many times he's simply watched him. this mikazuki, and the other one.
...
there's a shrug. ]
Do you want to try another door, or call it a day?
mikazuki lets his arm fall around tsuru's middle, encouraging him closer in this hallway. trial is going to be interesting when they're actually in public]
And what did you think... when you saw this? It's one thing to contemplate your own passing, but it's another to see the ones you leave behind, my Lune-chan.
[ it is, admittedly, an unusual phenomenon that tsuru is used to. the thing about dying in a place like this, is that you get to watch how your friends deal with that loss after. if they mention you in public... how they may remain angry at you throughout the weeks. ]
he knows tsurumaru is trying to get him to be honest - and he supposes that for once, it should be his turn to answer something like this first. he only wishes that his answer was more satisfying.]
... to behold these hearts is to understand when they ache, and what it is that makes them ache. When you cannot protect what you wish to protect. When your comrades suffer in front of your eyes. When there is no good answer for all the pain felt.
Perhaps I am too used to this passage of time and lives, Tsurumaru-chan.
But this feeling of loss is not mine - and yet all at once, it is always mine.
[mikazuki is always in mourning - but never for himself.]
it probably shouldn't be, given that they said they would both try, but it's still one regardless. it just always feels like mikazuki is a few steps too far ahead, always out of reach except for a slight graze of their fingertips.
tsuru will take this response, whether or not it satisfied his curiosity. ]
... you know, when you take the characters of 'nothing' and 'heart', it creates 'sadness'.
[he lets his arm around tsurumaru's waist pull him closer, as if only to let mikazuki remind himself that he can. that these bodies will allow him to reach out and touch as he pleases.]
When sadness falls upon your spirit, does it feel like nothing?
he allows himself to close his eyes for a moment, and he has to consider how this would be a good time to say something to mikazuki. he chooses not to, but he has to at least acknowledge his own hypocrisy. ]
The same goes for me. I will be here as long as I am able.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ his gaze only stays on the sanjous for a few seconds before it settles on mikazuki. it feels a little mean to not care about their grief too much in this moment, but he knows they aren't actually real.
if there's one person's reaction he wants to see, it's mikazuki's. ]
[1/2]
[as the ceremony draws to its end, whatever blur on the picture frame disappears, leaving only the image of mikazuki munechika. it had been obvious from their entrance, he thinks. at the end of his days, only his comrades would be alive to remember him. all those he had met would have met their end long before he -
as it always has been.
there is a flash of emotion on his face as he gazes upon it, takes in every detail and every evidence before him that his life may be worth mourning.
he feels a sense of inevitability - of resignation.
if this is what it takes... if this is what it takes....]
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Time is like a big river - and one day I too will be washed away.
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[ he'll take the flower, spinning the stem between his fingers. if this isn't real, he notes that the lotus likely won't be leaving the room. and he also notes that he'd be glad for that, actually.
it's odd, to discuss the inevitable about something-- someone-- that feels so eternal. even when you know that they're not. ]
Unfortunately, for now you're still stuck with me.
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Is it not said that cranes bring good fortune?
Perhaps I shall be granted a bit more time, whatever it may be worth.
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[ ... ]
Shall we go?
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[mikazuki begins to say something - but they are quickly thrown out of the room. they are back in the hallway, "disoriented and with a deep sense of loss".
hm. his eyes narrow in thought for a moment - if only because he is trying to place this feeling, for it certainly isn't his.]
... I suppose we have left.
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...
there's a shrug. ]
Do you want to try another door, or call it a day?
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Is your heart not in turmoil, Tsurumaru Kuninaga?
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[ it hits a little close to home in ways he doesn't want to think about. ]
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he will beckon tsuru closer with the opening of his arm, hand reaching out for him]
... my dear crane, you never wish to discuss the state of your heart.
[jiji just makes him anyway,]
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[ but he will step towards him anyway, because why wouldn't he. ]
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mikazuki lets his arm fall around tsuru's middle, encouraging him closer in this hallway. trial is going to be interesting when they're actually in public]
Have you asked me anything?
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You saw your loved ones mourning you, Mikazuki.
[ he wraps his arms around mikazuki's neck. ]
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[he lets his forehead fall to rest against tsuru's
he is still waiting for a question]
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[ it is, admittedly, an unusual phenomenon that tsuru is used to. the thing about dying in a place like this, is that you get to watch how your friends deal with that loss after. if they mention you in public... how they may remain angry at you throughout the weeks. ]
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he knows tsurumaru is trying to get him to be honest - and he supposes that for once, it should be his turn to answer something like this first. he only wishes that his answer was more satisfying.]
... to behold these hearts is to understand when they ache, and what it is that makes them ache. When you cannot protect what you wish to protect. When your comrades suffer in front of your eyes. When there is no good answer for all the pain felt.
Perhaps I am too used to this passage of time and lives, Tsurumaru-chan.
But this feeling of loss is not mine - and yet all at once, it is always mine.
[mikazuki is always in mourning - but never for himself.]
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it probably shouldn't be, given that they said they would both try, but it's still one regardless. it just always feels like mikazuki is a few steps too far ahead, always out of reach except for a slight graze of their fingertips.
tsuru will take this response, whether or not it satisfied his curiosity. ]
... you know, when you take the characters of 'nothing' and 'heart', it creates 'sadness'.
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[he lets his arm around tsurumaru's waist pull him closer, as if only to let mikazuki remind himself that he can. that these bodies will allow him to reach out and touch as he pleases.]
When sadness falls upon your spirit, does it feel like nothing?
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[ he buries his face in the crook of his shoulder. ]
It's an ache.
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with all the sadness he feels, all the parts of him that must have become hollow, he wonders if there is truly anything left.]
... I still believe that all things must come to an end.
But I do not wish to hurry that day along, my crane.
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he allows himself to close his eyes for a moment, and he has to consider how this would be a good time to say something to mikazuki. he chooses not to, but he has to at least acknowledge his own hypocrisy. ]
The same goes for me. I will be here as long as I am able.
[ at this hotel, and when they leave. ]
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quietly, he turns his head so that his lips brush lightly against tsurumaru's hair.]
And I find that fortune smiles upon me, each day that you are.
Is that not just as vital as any history? Do we not get to create our own?
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[ he stays like this for another moment, before he carefully steps away from him. ]
It's selfish to be glad that you're here with me, but I still am.
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he doesn't say these things - but he does wonder them. instead he will just smile]
Ha ha ha... then be selfish, my crane. These hearts can hold all manner of emotion - it would be a shame not to explore them.
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