The Shimabara Rebellion is a heavy mission indeed. The slaughter of 37,000 commoners, led by outrage and religious zeal into a rebellion against the shogunate in what is an otherwise peaceful era. You know of their mission: to take the place of Amakusa Shirou, the killed leader, and ensure the course of history.
To recruit thousands of people, only to lead them to slaughter.
Tsurumaru Kuninaga, a vision in white, carries his cross and flag - and leads. He follows his orders correctly, he does not falter in his steps, and he paves the way for his team to witness the slaughter of a child they had recruited to their cause.
(This is, at once, your Tsurumaru Kuninaga and not your Tsurumaru Kuninaga. Yet how easily they could be one and the same is not lost on you.)
You watch on from a distance. Matsui Gou throws his fist at Tsurumaru’s face - and you know the crane’s answer before it even leaves his mouth.
This is history.
One of your subordinates - a human that you have recruited to help the Touken Danshi upon their missions - collects the unconscious body of fallen child’s brother. You know he will be taken to safety.
It is one life, out of thousands. But it is one life, even still.
The others leave - but Tsurumaru Kuninaga shouts his dare for you into the sea.
“Help them! Save them! All these 37,000! They’re not just a number. Each one of them had their own life! They were alive! Take them with you! To the quiet sea, to Paraiso! If you can do it, go and try!”
Something in this treacherous heart of yours whispers:
‘Do you not think I would, if I could?’
You watch him stumble - caught only by the steadfast Ookurikara - and disappear back to the Citadel.
The ache in your heart does not subside even after they are gone. The blood of the fallen stain the water red. You do not let your anguish show even now.
This is your punishment, you suppose. To not be able to save them all. To never reveal the endless cracking and breaking of your heart over and over again.
For humanity. For your swords. For the world.
To follow this course of history is to always be in mourning. ]
tsurumaru takes a moment to process it. and he only gives himself that one moment, before he's reaching forward to grab onto mikazuki's arm. it's not hard enough to hurt, but it's a firm enough grip that it would be difficult to break out of. ]
Mikazuki.
[ they are well aware that they are from different citadels, and even if the history is the same, and there's an overlap in swords, it's still... they really don't acknowledge this gigantic difference between them, do they? ]
You did not want me to see.
[ he noticed the attempted dodge, but even without that... he knows. ]
because that's the problem with mikazuki-- he speaks in implications, in truths that are so tightly veiled that when you finally uncover one, ten more have already been hidden away. and even when there's many things that tsuru is confident that he understands about the other, he is fully aware that he is only seeing part of a much bigger picture.
so, there's a look in his eyes that is familiar to mikazuki-- frustration, one that the other tsurumaru kuninaga wears more often than this one when it comes to this old man. ]
You always want to hear my thoughts. What can I even say, when I am only handed a small part of a picture? Just a singular piece of grief in your history.
in that it only seems to solidify what mikazuki is thinking. whatever that is. it makes his smile curl a bit more - and rather than allowing tsurumaru to hold onto his arm, he finally moves to pull away. a warning tug first. release him.]
mikazuki munechika is always prepared to draw his blade - but he often chooses not to. but there are moments where he feels driven to it, because sometimes you would rather draw blood - anyone's - than face the ordeal of being known by someone who may still not understand.
he's still not sure if tsurumaru will. kogitsunemaru did not, even for all the years he had spent at mikazuki's side.
love is impeccable and it is a feeling that mikazuki would never trade - and yet, he still wonders if it is enough.]
I think that nothing upsets me more than knowing you are holding this burden alone.
[ this is true for this mikazuki, and it's true for the other mikazuki.
tsurumaru has a goal, and it's to drag mikazuki munechika back to him at all costs. which? both. even if his exact feelings for them may differ, at the end of the day this great, beautiful sword has found multiple ways to ease into his heart.
this memory isn't really a surprise. he knew, from the moment the mikazuki from his own citadel went rogue, that this one was likely up to something as well. the problem is that he still can't quite get close enough to get the actual answer that he wants... ]
[Why would you? And alone? Kogitsunemaru had asked.
And yet just as easily, Tsurumaru Kuninaga understood: You have to do some things yourself.
Mikazuki isn’t sure what to expect, or what he wants. maybe it’ll be the people he wants most to understand what he’s doing that will never quite get it. maybe it’ll be the one who understands it best will decide that he’s wrong for it.
Suishinshi is the same and he knows this - the desire to chase after him, to save him from himself. and yet he also feels that an impossible thing, when he is meant to repeat, and repeat, and - ]
I am not sure if I can declare that I am going to change anything.
[ it's an easy admittance. he isn't going to make a bold promise that he will solve all of mikazuki's problems for him, because he knows that won't be the case. ]
And I do not expect you to tell me everything. Just like I am sure you don't expect me to admit everything to you. [ it's just not how either of them work. ] I simply want to be, first and foremost, your friend.
to those who might play a tragic role in history - or in dismantling it. even if mikazuki has not yet found the way to escape from the rigidity of their mission, it does not change that he is trying. in what small, defiant ways that he can.]
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week 3, monday
however, it is with tsurumaru kuninaga that mikazuki munechika actually makes a clear effort to dodge.
he does not succeed.]
no subject
The Shimabara Rebellion is a heavy mission indeed. The slaughter of 37,000 commoners, led by outrage and religious zeal into a rebellion against the shogunate in what is an otherwise peaceful era. You know of their mission: to take the place of Amakusa Shirou, the killed leader, and ensure the course of history.
To recruit thousands of people, only to lead them to slaughter.
Tsurumaru Kuninaga, a vision in white, carries his cross and flag - and leads. He follows his orders correctly, he does not falter in his steps, and he paves the way for his team to witness the slaughter of a child they had recruited to their cause.
(This is, at once, your Tsurumaru Kuninaga and not your Tsurumaru Kuninaga. Yet how easily they could be one and the same is not lost on you.)
You watch on from a distance. Matsui Gou throws his fist at Tsurumaru’s face - and you know the crane’s answer before it even leaves his mouth.
This is history.
One of your subordinates - a human that you have recruited to help the Touken Danshi upon their missions - collects the unconscious body of fallen child’s brother. You know he will be taken to safety.
It is one life, out of thousands. But it is one life, even still.
The others leave - but Tsurumaru Kuninaga shouts his dare for you into the sea.
“Help them! Save them! All these 37,000! They’re not just a number. Each one of them had their own life! They were alive! Take them with you! To the quiet sea, to Paraiso! If you can do it, go and try!”
Something in this treacherous heart of yours whispers:
‘Do you not think I would, if I could?’
You watch him stumble - caught only by the steadfast Ookurikara - and disappear back to the Citadel.
The ache in your heart does not subside even after they are gone. The blood of the fallen stain the water red. You do not let your anguish show even now.
This is your punishment, you suppose. To not be able to save them all. To never reveal the endless cracking and breaking of your heart over and over again.
For humanity. For your swords. For the world.
To follow this course of history is to always be in mourning. ]
no subject
tsurumaru takes a moment to process it. and he only gives himself that one moment, before he's reaching forward to grab onto mikazuki's arm. it's not hard enough to hurt, but it's a firm enough grip that it would be difficult to break out of. ]
Mikazuki.
[ they are well aware that they are from different citadels, and even if the history is the same, and there's an overlap in swords, it's still... they really don't acknowledge this gigantic difference between them, do they? ]
You did not want me to see.
[ he noticed the attempted dodge, but even without that... he knows. ]
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mikazuki stills - and wonders if tsurumaru will draw his sword next. but the thought comes and goes. he will deal with it if it will come to that.
his expression remains so carefully passive.]
... how could I?
[when tsurumaru is at once closest to it all... and yet the one mikazuki wants to keep furthest from his truth?]
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[ there's a wry tilt of his smile as he says it, and his hold on mikazuki doesn't loosen. ]
Shimabara, huh...? That's a difficult mission.
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[some might call mikazuki charming, but honestly, it's always incidental.
he is first and foremost always himself.
his tension does not ease.]
... we do not get to choose when in history we are called.
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[ he still does not let go. ]
Tell me. What is it that you are afraid of?
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that prompts him to smile.]
I do not believe 'fear' is the correct word.
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[ there is an unspoken 'do not try to hide' ]
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[what is?]
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[ some things really do not change, no matter which mikazuki it is. ]
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I believe I have said enough.
[with what little he's said.
he thinks it's enough.]
I would like to hear your thoughts.
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because that's the problem with mikazuki-- he speaks in implications, in truths that are so tightly veiled that when you finally uncover one, ten more have already been hidden away. and even when there's many things that tsuru is confident that he understands about the other, he is fully aware that he is only seeing part of a much bigger picture.
so, there's a look in his eyes that is familiar to mikazuki-- frustration, one that the other tsurumaru kuninaga wears more often than this one when it comes to this old man. ]
You always want to hear my thoughts. What can I even say, when I am only handed a small part of a picture? Just a singular piece of grief in your history.
no subject
in that it only seems to solidify what mikazuki is thinking. whatever that is. it makes his smile curl a bit more - and rather than allowing tsurumaru to hold onto his arm, he finally moves to pull away. a warning tug first. release him.]
Then perhaps you are not meant to understand.
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I don't think you can decide what I am or am not meant to do.
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Then we appear to be at an impasse.
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I want to know you.
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it makes him pause.
obviously so.
mikazuki munechika is always prepared to draw his blade - but he often chooses not to. but there are moments where he feels driven to it, because sometimes you would rather draw blood - anyone's - than face the ordeal of being known by someone who may still not understand.
he's still not sure if tsurumaru will. kogitsunemaru did not, even for all the years he had spent at mikazuki's side.
love is impeccable and it is a feeling that mikazuki would never trade - and yet, he still wonders if it is enough.]
... it will only upset you.
[you may still love me less.]
no subject
[ this is true for this mikazuki, and it's true for the other mikazuki.
tsurumaru has a goal, and it's to drag mikazuki munechika back to him at all costs. which? both. even if his exact feelings for them may differ, at the end of the day this great, beautiful sword has found multiple ways to ease into his heart.
this memory isn't really a surprise. he knew, from the moment the mikazuki from his own citadel went rogue, that this one was likely up to something as well. the problem is that he still can't quite get close enough to get the actual answer that he wants... ]
no subject
And yet just as easily, Tsurumaru Kuninaga understood: You have to do some things yourself.
Mikazuki isn’t sure what to expect, or what he wants. maybe it’ll be the people he wants most to understand what he’s doing that will never quite get it. maybe it’ll be the one who understands it best will decide that he’s wrong for it.
Suishinshi is the same and he knows this - the desire to chase after him, to save him from himself. and yet he also feels that an impossible thing, when he is meant to repeat, and repeat, and - ]
What is it that you hope to change?
[what would knowing bring?]
no subject
[ it's an easy admittance. he isn't going to make a bold promise that he will solve all of mikazuki's problems for him, because he knows that won't be the case. ]
And I do not expect you to tell me everything. Just like I am sure you don't expect me to admit everything to you. [ it's just not how either of them work. ] I simply want to be, first and foremost, your friend.
no subject
to those who might play a tragic role in history - or in dismantling it. even if mikazuki has not yet found the way to escape from the rigidity of their mission, it does not change that he is trying. in what small, defiant ways that he can.]
… if nothing can change, why bother knowing?
[hypocrisy, hypocrisy.
but all he wants is tsuru’s answer.]
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[ he pauses, as he sees more stardust. it is, actually, fairly avoidable from where they're positioned and where it's falling.
tsuru decides to take a chance, and he'll walk to it, looking back at mikazuki.
a memory plays. and it's hard to tell from his expression if it's something he was hoping for, but he waits. ]
Don't you think that would be the best surprise of all?
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there is, finally, surprise in mikazuki’s expression.
and then all he can do is bow his head, and allow his shoulders to shake as he brings his hand to his mouth.]
Ha ha ha…
Ha ha ha ha!
[he laughs - because what else can he do, when faced with the realization that perhaps in every Citadel, he will always be just like this?
yet when he speaks again - there is a despair that shines in his eyes, no matter his smile]
It seems like some things are inevitable.
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[ it's murmured. he doesn't close the distance between them. ]
After that happened... my goal shifted into getting you to return to us, Mikazuki.
I cannot lose you.
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